After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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