did you get engaged???
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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