everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
