Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
