Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
