I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
