im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
