You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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