but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
