Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
