Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
