I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
