I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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