I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
