Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
