She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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