Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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