you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
