You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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