Jerry, you need to find god
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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