no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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