it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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