Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ladies don't puke and tell
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
