it hurts more in the daytime
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I need to stop coming to work sober
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
