is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
