hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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