I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
