thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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