I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
