is your mom at the bar?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
