I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
