Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
