i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
