I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
nutella sex= disaster
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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