i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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