The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
