So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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