is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
