There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
