Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
