i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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