She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
