Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Will exercising make me less horny?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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