haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
