My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
