I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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