hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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