Whatcha textin bout Willis?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
