i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
