lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
