and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
