Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
